🏚️First it was 40-year mortgages. Now it's 50.
Nothing screams, "American Dream" like 6-decades of debt (just ask college students).
The President has a solution to getting young people to buy homes. Stretch the mortgage until you qualify for Social Security.
Our leader: Mr. Bold Strategies has come up with a plan that is like rearranging the chairs on the Titanic, but with shabby terms and higher closing costs.
Back in 2006, they floated 40-year loans right before the Great Financial Crisis (GFC). But now it’s 2025. POTUS wants everything bigger, better, and more beautifuler.
(I know it's not a word, don't at me, I'm channeling my inner Bush 43).
There are two camps on 50-year mortgages (let's be real, there's only one camp): “Have you lost your damn mind?”
Because, the math ain't mathing🧠
I present to you "The Maths":
In other words, give the banks even more of your money.
🧠Romeo, what's the fix?
Only three ways I see it, and they all involve Uncle Sam pulling out his checkbook again, (Stockholm syndrome is real).
🏠 Loan Portability
↳ Let people take their mortgage with them when they buy a new home.
↳ Canada does it. We’re not too proud to borrow from Canada, are we? (I love you my maple leaf 🍁 friends, no matter what the tariff police say).
🏛️ 3% FHA for First-Time Buyers
↳ If the government can sponsor corn and cruise missiles, it can float a low rate for your starter home.
🔁 Speed Up Loan Assumption
↳ Let buyers assume sellers’ low-interest loans, without a 6-month underwriting death march.
↳ Loan assumption already exists. It's just slower than molasses.
And if none of that works? Don’t worry, I’m launching a new startup called 🏛️EternalLoan Bank™, Home of the 100-Year Mortgage™, the last mortgage you'll ever need™".
Here is the pitch deck for only the savviest investors:
- Projected ROI: 1,000,000x.
- Timeline: your great-great-grandkids’ retirement party.
- Investor criteria: must be over 80, and skeptical of the internet.
Think long-term.
Think progeny.
Think: “Will this mortgage still be here after the next Roman Empire collapses?”
P.S. only serious inquires, please.